It breaks my heart. But all contact has to be terminated. She isn't living in reality. Not what I ever wanted. she had my heart 100% but couldn't ever believe that or settle own into the relationship. Had to have drama and chaos. I don't hold it against her. she's only ever known chaos and drama.
Just a shame she couldn't settle into the relationship. I know what she's clamied about who left who and why. Choose to believe whatever you wish.
This way please
Yes I know I've been an absentee parent for a while. Tough. Get over it. Move on with your life.
Couple of months back my closest co-worker (and by closest I mean he stands 3 feet from me about 70 hours a week, and I consider him a close personal friend) around halloween comes in and is doing his usual thing prepping and the like and is very quiet. This is the actual conversation that ensued.
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "I had a weird dream last night." silence.
Me. "That's a great story, thank you for sharing it."
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "You were in it."
Me. "Umm, I don't like where this is going man."
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "You and I flew to Thailand."
Me. "Ok, this is getting better."
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "Yeah you would think so, but it gets worse."
Me. "Hmm, I think a trip to Thailand involving you and me could only be great."
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "Well we do all the usual stuff."
Me. "Under-age hookers, opium etc. etc.?"
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "Right. but there is more."
Me. "Well it sounds like a good start to me, I'm all ears as to what we do next."
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "Well we go to another "brothel" of sorts, where I pay 10 grand for us to kill a man."
Me. "Yeah and?"
Moment of silence as he searches for words. "No, I mean I pay 10k for us to actually kill a man."
Me. "Yeah I got it, here's 10 large there's a dead man, I've adopted your premise, what's the hangup?"
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "Well in the dream, outside the room with the tied up guy and a gun I start to have second thoughts."
Me. "Yeah sounds like you, what of it?"
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "Well in the middle of my trying to inform you of my doubts about the morality of this action, you walk in close the door I hear a gunshot you're out 2 seconds later telling me 'That was GREAT!!!! let's do it again!!"
Me. "Yeah sounds like me, what's the hangup?"
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "I'm just a little weirded out by the blasé way you walk in and cap this stranger for no other reason than to do it."
Quiet-pensive moment for Me. "Do I have to use a gun?"
Me. "I mean 10K is a lotta money for what amounts to a second and a half thrill."
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Me. "Do I only get one bullet? is it a pay by the bullet type of deal? Do I have to use a gun at all? What if I want to beat him to death?
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "See I knew I shouldn't have told you this."
Me. "What if I want to re-enact historical events or scenes from movies? Does that cost extra? What if I want to do the cop torture scene from Reservoir dogs? Or maybe something from the inquisition? Can I bring my own accessories and people or do they provide that? Is there an up-charge for that?
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. "Please stop talking."
Me. "How about this I get 5 guys to throw in and we string the guy up like and go at him with bats like a pinata?"
Quiet-pensive-co-worker. (softly crying to himself)
I mean come on 10k is a lotta money for such a short ride you know?
This way please
Things that make me smile. (Thoughts from a well rested Chef.)
Sleeping until 1 in the afternoon (thank you sweet and merciful universe) The chaotic feeling of troubles house filled with her and her chilruns The look of absolute love and adoration from my dog. Listening to people in the restaurant who don't know I can hear them having foodgasams. The way DP (troubles daughter)says she loves me the only way she can. By jumping on top of me. My new 30 gig ipod video. Aww yeah. That Trouble and I are going down to the coast on the 20-21 to stay here for a wine weekend hosted by some reps I know. Climbing into bed next to troubles sleeping body and enfolding her in my arms. The relentless trash talk Squirel (Troubles son)gives even in the face of an overwelming defeat on my xbox. Quiet. The way Trouble folds into me when she requires reasurrance or just a hug.
This way please